Just when I think I’ve found the secret to living in the moment and not letting my need to be a controlling, perfectionist take over, the controlling, perfectionist, EGO rears its ugly head again and I begin to let my bad habits return. 
I begin to shut down and stop being vulnerable to my best friend and boy friend, which causes him to shut down and we both begin to let our EGOs question whether we should be in a relationship with each other, because after all we deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make us shut down, right?
That then opens to door for me to again ignore my hunger and fullness levels and instead choose to numb myself with food. It’s a vicious cycle that I often lose sight because it feeds my EGO. Were it not for OWN and Oprah, I may continue to spiral and let these things win, as they’ve done in the past, which has led me to be overweight and alone. A vicious cycle I say.
Thankfully, I do have OWN, Oprah and Super Soul Sunday to bring me back to self awareness and again remind me that everything I experience is determined by how I decide to react to everything around me, i.e. I’m in control of how happy I want to be with my life. Why I continuously fight that notion, as a recovering control freak, I don’t know, but I do. Actually, what am I saying…it’s my strong EGO which every day I think I’ve conquered, but clearly I’ve only kept at bay.
Thankfully, OWN recently re-ran Brene Brown’s sit down with Oprah and I truly heard their message. It’s funny how words impact you differently when you’re ready to truly hear them. That was where I found myself.
I had previously seen Brene Brown’s first sit down with Oprah, but it didn’t impact me in the same way. Below are some of the key items Brene shared that stuck out for me and caused me to get back to the happiness I am always searching for, but somehow every few weeks, I let my EGO sabatoge.
- We live in a scarcity culture, where we don’t have enough & ultimately aren’t enough, which leads us to shut down & lose vulnerability which is the birthplace of everything we’re hungry for (deep, think about this one)
- There is no such thing as being beyond judgement (so stop trying to be…note to self)
- Self talk – “If I look perfect, act perfect, etc. I will never be hurt” – Brene says that only keeps us living in fear and never truly seen.
- You have to actively practice gratitude to experience true joy
- Stop chasing the extra ordinary, enjoy and be grateful of the ordinary
- Let go of certainty to live in true vulnerability (a true work in progress for me)
- Vulnerability is uncertainty, risk & emotional exposure (opposite of everything I’ve trained myself to value – certainty and emotional shields – long road, but not impossible)
How to you manage to keep yourself in the vulnerability/self-awareness way of life? How do you keep your EGO at bay?
