As I discussed in my previous post –The Ego Is So Unflattering, Yet So Hard to Shake – I struggle with my Ego constantly. I originally thought it was more of an issue in my closest relationships (when dealing with my partner or family), but I’ve now come to realize that it seems that way because those are the ones I deal with on a daily, more intimate basis, but really Ego is there in every encounter.
I think that because I am involved in a relationship, Ego just keeps coming up because my partner is not an exact replica of me, which is what my Ego would prefer. It is because of this that I’m always asking myself, what is it that you truly want? To live happily ever after with Ego or to live happily ever after in love. When I place myself in awareness I choose love, however when I don’t allow the awareness to come, I choose Ego and that is not a happy place to be.
Per Gina Lake‘s book, Loving in the Moment – Moving from Ego to Essence in Relationships the EGO is not a friend to love because loving makes it vulnerable and gives that person power and control to hurt and disappoint us (ding, ding). (Love) Essence however, is all about appreciation, approval, acceptance, compassion, patience, love and it compliments and uplifts, rather than judges. It is willing to allow your partner to live life as he/she sees fit (trust me if you’re Ego is as strong as mine, it’s raising an eyebrow at …allow your partner to live life as he/she sees fit, but hold it together, it’s worth it 😉 ) It may ask for what it prefers to have happen (Would you mind putting those things away or do you mind if I put them away now?), but it accepts responsibility for having this preference and doesn’t belittle your partner in an attempt to get him/her to comply.
I don’t know about you, but most of my Ego centered arguments with my partner come when I think something should be done a certain way and he disagrees, which as I discussed in The Ego Is So Unflattering, Yet So Hard to Shake, is rooted in conditioning and only a point of view, not the absolute truth or only way things can be done.
Gina says whenever we find ourselves struggling with someone or with life, we are holding the Ego too close. If we allowed Essence in then we can let go and allow everything and everyone around us to be exactly the way they are. I generally have no issue in dropping into Essence once I become aware that Ego is trying to take over when an incident occurs, but I struggle staying in Essence if another related incident occurs. This is when my Ego starts shouting at me see, told you this would happen, he needs to change or we’re outta here. My fear kicks into high gear and I turn to protection mode, which closes me, which in turn closes him up and brings out his Ego because he can feel I’m no longer coming from Essence. It’s a vicious cycle and if I allow my Ego to stir up or react to his Ego, then we’re in trouble because we go into a stand off which doesn’t go away until one of us finds our way back into Essence.
Don’t get me wrong, Ego is a two way street. He has about as much Ego as I do, just maybe on different things, but it’s clearly there. I’m sure you’ll find that almost everyone in your life also has Ego, we all do. The solution however is letting go of our Ego and allowing Essence through. Per Gina, if you drop into Essence, that will be the end of Ego because if one side doesn’t participate, it’s difficult for the other to stay in the same state – remember it takes two to argue. Easier said than done though, but it’s a true work in progress.
Which do you choose? Love or Ego?