It’s funny, before I started my quest to find out how to live in the moment, I thought the Ego was reserved to describe those who thought they had it all and let you know about it. Now, as I’m knee deep in learning more about what it takes to live in the moment, I find that it’s an ailment that strikes all of us.
Having been single for a third of my life and now finding myself in a relationship, I find myself struggling to let go of how I like things done and being accepting of how others, namely my partner, do things. With that said, I often found myself not being as accepting as I should be. My awareness of that led me to scour the internet for help.
Really the question I was seeking an answer to was – How can I be more accepting and help him see that doing it my way is the quickest, best way to do things? 😉 How many of us think this on a daily basis at home, at work, on the road? Well hold on to your hats, but that’s our Ego talking. Yup, according to Loving in the Moment – Moving from Ego to Essence in Relationships Gina Lake any time we feel scared, angry, ashamed, embarassed or feel the need to change or judge others, that’s our Ego rearing it’s ugly head.
According to Gina, Ego is programmed to experience differences as a threat, so it points them out, judges them, argues with them and tries to change them. As a result, the Ego is never really satisfied with life, it’s always looking for something better.
So you say you’re not judgmental or try to change others, but do you ever get scared, angry, ashamed or embarrassed? Hello Ego. I also like to believe that I’m not judgmental, am accepting and rarely get angry, but once you delve further into the Ego, you find that we do all those things on a daily basis due to what Gina calls our conditioning. Conditioning is based on the rules/values we’ve been brought up with – our beliefs, ideas/opinions and the things we’ve been told we should and shouldn’t do to be considered “good people”. Gina states that our Ego interprets our conditioning as facts, rather than what they truly are, our point of view.
Sit with that for a moment because trust me, it’s a complete mind shift. While I’ve always accepted that there are always three sides to every story – yours, mine and the truth, I don’t think I truly grasped why the differences were so entrenched in our point of view. Now, I’m slowly but surely starting to get it and my Ego is kicking and screaming the entire way.
See, sometimes I think to myself that my partner and I are just so different, there is just no way this can work, yet when we’re in a good place, I can’t imagine my life without him. According to Gina, those times when I’m focused on our differences is because the Ego is scared of them and in order for it to feel safe again it convinces us change is a must if we want to be happy. Thankfully, in order to feel safe, happy and secure, we don’t need to have others match our ideas and beliefs. Just look at who you call your friends. Do they all think or believe exactly as you do in all aspects? Probably not, yet we find happiness in being around them. For some reason however, we want those who we love intimately to be exact clones of us in order to be happy, but that’s not really what we need.
Although my mind can now wrap around this concept, it sure is hard to shake the Ego once it starts going, whispering in my ear, trying to convince me that changing others to my way is the only way to bring happiness and stability back in my life. According to Gina however, all that is truly needed to bring happiness and stability back into our lives during these moments is to stop and examine the conditioning that is making us feel this way. Once you figure out which beliefs, ideas/opinions or should’s/shouldn’ts are making the Ego scream for change, take responsibility for calming the mind and taking the Ego off the ledge thinking it’s a life or death situation if change does not come.
It’s a hard process and one that I have yet to master because my darn Ego is so strong, but on the occasions I have been able to talk the Ego off the ledge, it has paid off and happiness, peace and stability reign.
What sends your Ego into overdrive?