Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and while taking time to express your love for one another on this day is special, I don’t think doing it once a year does a lot toward solidifying a long lasting relationship. That’s where my 5 Ways to Show Your Love, Past Valentine’s Day comes in.
While men have coined Valentine’s Day the “Hallmark” Holiday – because they believe it was created for commercial reasons – I still see men running around the store, the afternoon of, for a card, flowers, and/or maybe some chocolates. While the women take time to make his favorite meal, or book reservations at their favorite restaurant, where they’ll exchange their heartfelt gifts and express their love for one another. Awe, swoon If only it could be like that everyday right? Well it can if we keep our EGOs in check and choose love every step of the way. Here are a few things that can help.
Let Go. After much work, I’ve realized that most of the disagreements in my relationships have been caused by my expectations of what my partner should be willing to do for me and for the love he claims to have. Ego convinces us that the right partner, if they love us enough, will gladly mold themselves into our vision of the “perfect” partner, whether that vision includes characteristics we’ve pieced together from 5 other men or not. It’s that expectation of what love and romance should look like, that causes us to question their love for us and resent the level to which they’re willing and able to love. Talk about setting yourself up for failure.
Make time for each other. Family, kids, work – life really, can appear to be a higher priority at times and that’s ok, as long as you make sure to secure some one on one time with your partner.
I’ve realized that this is a definite talking point in all my relationships and what’s worked is when we make a commitment to give ourselves at least 30-60 minutes of one on one time on a daily basis, and at least one date night a week. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or last hours and hours, but it should be something you do, just the two of you, without cell phones, TVs, or other distractions. If you haven’t done it in a while it could be a scary proposition because you’ve probably lost the ability to communicate without anger or resentment bubbling to the surface. But even if words are too difficult, just sit together, holding hands, touching and/or looking into each other’s eyes. Trust me, all of this helps in developing and maintaining a deep connection.
Shake things up. Routines are so easy to follow because you’ve gained some security in knowing what’s next. But shaking things up every now and again allows a sense of excitement that can only add a spark to a dull drum day, a date night, or even an unexpected getaway.
I’m a very by the book kinda girl who doesn’t like surprises (ie letting go of control), but I always push myself to take on everything that comes my way, especially when someone I love has taken the time to plan it. So I usually start off any new adventure a little nervous and skeptical, but ultimately end up having a good time. The key is to just go with the flow and trust that regardless of how it ends up, at least you’ll have a story, a new memory, and hopefully a wonderful new connection to share with each other.
Don’t ask, act. Don’t just offer to help when you see that your partner is overwhelmed/tired/frustrated, actually do something to help. When you think about ways to show your partner you love them, the last thing that pops into your head is doing household chores, but many women feel loved when our partners help out around the house. If household chores aren’t the thing causing the rift, maybe it’s time to remind ourselves to take time to offer words or gestures of appreciation/adoration toward one another. Use whatever you know your partner enjoys. Knowing each other’s love language can totally help with this. It’s a give and take, and when honored by both parties, love and happiness prevails.
Welcome intimacy. I know when we’re too busy trying to win the “I’m right, you’re wrong” fights, intimacy flies out the window, but a healthy, loving relationship requires it. Intimacy however, does not always have to equal sex. It can be something as simple as a loving touch or a deep seeded conversation. If done often and without expectations, sexual intimacy is soon to follow.
So go ahead and keep that Valentine’s Day high as you make a conscious choice to build a life long, happy, loving relationship filled with constant verbal and non-verbal communication that let’s both you and your partner know you’re being heard and understood.
Cheers to a loving, long lasting partnership!
Which do you struggle with the most and how do you think you can work on it?
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Thanks Alex and thanks for stopping by.
Making time for each other is most important in our busy lifestyles.
Yes, time for each other has been key to our relationship 😀 Thanks for stopping by Carol, hope to see you again. 😉
these are great reminders all year long and for our other loved ones.
Thanks for stopping by! I agree 😀
THESE ARE GREAT REMINDERS BUT SOMETIMES AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED & THEN THE KIDS & YOU ARE BOTH WORKING JOBS & ALL THAT IS GOING ON YOU FORGET TO DATE. THAT IS IMPORTANT. YOU NEED TO DATE YOUR PARTNER.
Totally, life has a way of taking priority, as it should at times, but you’re right, our partners deserve regular attention too. Glad you stopped in Karen. I hope I see you again here soon. 😉
I enjoy flirting with my hubby…we have been doing it since we have been 16!
Flirting is such a great way to keep spice in a relationship Lisa!!! Good for you and your hubby for keeping it up and thanks so much for stopping by and sharing. I hope to see you hear again soon!
I needed to read this! Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Happy you enjoyed it Jessica. Hope we get to connect again 😉
Thanks for a great reminder! I need to do these things more often for my boyfriend! He really deserves it!
We all deserve it!! Happiness and love is what makes the world go round, happy you enjoyed it. Hope I see you again soon.
Thanks for the reminders of how to show our love through out the year. I tend to forget valentines day also. How embarrassing when we both forgot our wedding anniversary.
Lol, life has a funny way of getting in the way which is why if you take time to show your love year round, there is no love lost 😀 Glad you stopped by and shared, hope to see you back again 😉
Great ideas and something we need to remember to do all year long.
Totally Mary, it makes living that much more fun and happy 😉 Hope you drop in again to let me know how it’s going 😀
We sometimes have to simply slow down and remember these things.
Yes, Stacy!! I call slowing down allowing ourselves to live in the moment, which is something I chase daily 😉 Thanks for taking time out of your day to slow down enough to read my blog, hope to see you again 😉
These are fabulous reminders! Thank you. I needed this today.
Yay Sacha, glad it helped! Thanks for stopping by, hope you get a chance to stop by again. 😉
Since my husband has started coming and talking to me out of the blue, which he never did before, we both get along so much better. I enjoy are little talks so much.
Isn’t it nice when you both get to soften with each other and share…favorite part of my day 😀 Glad you stopped by Debbie, hope to see you again.
Great reminders, I love when my hubby helps out around the house.
Thanks for these reminders!! I love all of the affection I get on Valentine’s Day but it needs to continue than just for that one day.
Agreed Nicole, love should be a year long love affair 🙂 Glad you stopped in, hope to see you again!
i think my husband and I need to just shake things up. our lives are pretty, predictable. he comes home, we have family dinner, put kids to bed, and we put on a movie and go to bed. i mean … done done done. sometimes we engage in deep conversations. i think instead of tossing in a movie, we can pull out a board game or cards =]
Totally Cassondra – we have lots of spontaneous game nights at our house – just the two of us and they’re a lot of fun!! Glad you dropped by, hope you stop by again 😉
Many couples often fall into ruts and they don’t mean to, but end up taking for granted that the other person just KNOWS they love them. While a daily grand fete ins’t necessary, just a thoughtful little something every now and then can really go a long way in letting someone know how special they are.
Indeed Melanie, couldn’t have said it better…it’s all about taking time out to do that little thing that reminds the two why we’re there 😉 Thanks for stopping by and I hope to see you again soon!
what a great reminder to make time for each other. i make sure i tell my family and my bf everyday i care, just gotta show it more! thanks for this
Thanks Melisa, when I do posts like this I do it to also have a good reminder for myself 😉 Glad you stopped by, hope to see you again!!
In my experience, “shake things up” is the best way.
Thanks Mai! It’s the scariest for me because I like to know what’s next, bur I do realize it does bring a lot of joy when I let go 😉 Thanks for sharing and I hope to see you here again soon.
these are all very good tips. We already do a few of those
Thanks for stopping in Jess Ica and glad it matched some of what you’re already doing 😉 Here’s to continued love all the way around 🙂 Hope to see you again soon!
#1 is what is sometimes tough for me. it’s tough to let things go when you think of them often.
I hear you Kelly and I’m happy you dropped by. The thing I remind myself about when I’m stuck in that place is to ask whether I have an issue because I’m trying to get my partner to handle things the way I do, is it control or fear leading it? If when you sit with yourself and the answer is yes, then it’s something you need to let go. If after a true look at the problem, the answer is still no, then don’t let it build up and build up. Have a conversation about it, not in an accusing tone, just a – Can I share with you how X makes me feel? Hope that helps and that you stop back in. 🙂
I like that your post is for the other person and not “all about me” ~ I think we get so caught up in that, that we set ourselves up for disappointment. When we approach Valentine’s Day as you have posted, the emphasis is on making the other person happy-which makes us happy. I do understand and empathize though with those who are never or hardly recognized with love on Valentine’s day or any other day, there doesn’t seem to be a “rule” for everyone that just “works” ~ I have found that God loves me consistently, He doesn’t “forget” that it’s Valentine’s Day or whatever, and He loves me unconditionally. That’s how I can then turn and give love and feel loved the more I give love.
Melisa, totally love your outlook, thanks for sharing
This is a great post!
These are all great. Sometimes it is the simple things that make the biggest difference.
I know Angela, it’s really the simple life that leads to the biggest joys :). Thanks for stopping in, hope to see you again!
This is a great list, and I agree you can definitely do these things at any time, not just for Valentine’s Day.
Yup, so true…happy you stopped by! Hope to hear from you again 🙂
a great list
Thanks for stopping by Pasqualina – hope to chat with you again soon 😀
My hubby needs the advice on #5 😉
Lol, I hear ya…be patient, but positive reinforcement works for me 😉
I love this. Great list!!
Thanks, it works for us 🙂
Some very good advice and tips. Not just for the one day, but throughout the year
Yes love is to be shared always 🙂 Thanks for dropping by, hope to see you again soon!
Lots of good ideas!
I like “shake things up”
I’m starting too 😉
oh wow great advice I love it I will try too keep them in mind always thanks for posting it
Thanks for stopping by Tammy, hope to see you again soon!
Great ideas: letting go, making time and don’t ask/act.
Letting go and acting do wonders for us 😉
Great tips! #2 is always a must and I need to make more time and spontaneity for #5.
I know, so easy to get distracted, but when we allow love in fully, it’s pretty cool 😀
You are absolutely right! People get so wrapped up in this holiday that they forget that we should really be showing people that we love them every day!
That’s what we aim for, some days are better than others, but we know love is the foundation. 😀
It is true. Why limit to one day when it should be ever day?
Right? Happy to see you Allyson, hope you stop in again soon!