As you can tell by my title – Best Friend vs. Love Match, I currently find myself in a quandary. I have been slowly letting my old best friend/Ex into my life again. As you may have seen in my post “Working on Making an Ex a Friend Again” I have been best friends with him since we were in our 20’s and it wasn’t until our 30’s that we decided to try being more. Needless to say it didn’t work for various reasons, all of which I could never completely wrap my mind around until recently. I figured out that while we are very similar in our likes, dislikes and interests, it ultimately boils down to the fact that we’re just too different in our morals, values and general up bringing. I don’t know why these differences don’t bother me as much in friendships, but I have come to realize these items are deal breakers in trying to decide who I want to become a life long partner and part of my “family.”
Having realized this I know that my old best friend/Ex will never be a love match, but I can’t seem to bring myself to truly be receptive to that love match when we spend time together because we have so many things in common that when we don’t dig deep, we have a blast with each other. For example, it’s been a long, long time since I’ve gone dancing…something I love to do. This weekend he came into town and took me dancing. We danced all night and it was so much fun, so easy, so comfortable…so not helpful in any way to me being available and open to that man (who I know is out there) that will be my love match.
As a result, my quandary is this – how to enjoy my time with my male best friend, while still leaving the door open for my love match.
“Do you believe that you are worthy of happiness? Do you believe that happiness, success abundance, comfort, fulfillment, peace, joy, love is a part of your birthright? Or do you believe something else? Because you will manifest the life that you believe.” – Oprah
- I totally believe I deserve happiness and can confidently say I’m happy in almost every other aspect of my life, but my love life. I do want to find love, but am not sure I’m doing everything I need to be doing to manifest it.
“If you tell yourself a lie long enough, you’ll start to believe it.” —Tony Robbins
- So much uncertainty about whether I’m lying to myself about what I want, need in love?
You’re Responsible for Your Life “If you’re sitting around waiting on somebody to save you, to fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time because only you have the power to take responsibility to move your life forward.” – Oprah
- When it comes to my love life, I do feel that at times I’m not doing enough and find that I am sitting around waiting for the full miracle – having the man of my dreams knock on my door and sweep me off my feet. 😛
“If you’re gonna make a change…operate from a new belief that says life happens not to me but for me.” —Tony Robbins
- I don’t think I’ve fully embraced that life happens for me. I think I’m still stuck on life happens to me and am not quite sure how to completely shake myself out of that.
“Self-awareness is one of the rarest of human commodities. I don’t mean self-consciousness where you’re limiting and evaluating yourself. I mean being aware of your own patterns.” —Tony Robbins
- I am now more aware of my “own patterns,” but struggle to break them when it comes to love
Step Out of the Box “I love that! ‘If you want something you never had,you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.” – Oprah
- Right now, stepping out of the box for me will be doing the online dating thing to see if I can find my love match that way. I’ve been so resistant to it that I hope that I will truly give it a shot and not just convince myself I’ve given it a shot simply by signing up.
Love Doesn’t Hurt “When you can trust that you love yourself, care for yourself, have enough honor and respect for yourself that you will not allow other people to harm you, then you can succeed in any relationship….It doesn’t mean that somebody won’t hurt you again. It means that when they do, you will know what to do…. You will not let that destroy you.” – Oprah
- I know that I’ve come full circle in understanding the “love doesn’t hurt” concept, I just hope that I don’t try to over protect myself and move on too quickly, instead of working through the nuances that come with love…we’ll see
Have you found your love match? How and when did you find them?