If you’ve seen some of my previous posts you may know that I’ve been searching for “the man of my dreams” for a while. Just recently my best friend of almost 17 years and I realized that we could be an amazing match if we truly let go of our EGO and communicate open and honestly with each other during the good and the bad times of our lives. This time we accepted that transitioning back into a romantic relationship is hard work, but we’re both on board on doing everything in our power to work on it That’s the thing about love, its unpredictable because you can’t control the other person. You can only control how you love and how you react to how the other person loves you back. There is no way to really predict what the future holds. You may be each others dream partners for a few months, years or for the rest of your lives…once you let go of the need to find “the one” that will guarantee “happily everafter,” you realize that our jobs, as supportive partners, are to just enjoy each other for the amount of time we have together.
With that said, I’m a novice at this and often find myself struggling with the single girl EGO that lives inside of my head, that sometimes screams at me on a daily basis, always trying to convince me that I would be better off falling back into my “single girl” life than bend on anything for “a man.” When this happens, I have to bring myself back to focus on the true job at hand, which is to enjoy each other in the moment and not worry so much about about what may or may not be coming our way (trust, the control freak in me is hard monster to quite sometimes 🙂 ).
This time around, I’m also beginning to realize that unless you put all the issues out on the table, open and honestly, your partner may have no clue on what’s wrong or what’s bothering us and vise versa.
In my situation, since we’ve practically seen each other grow up and unsuccessfully deal with romantic relationships in our past, it was very important that we discussed our current expectations and “deal breakers” with each other. We’ve also committed to making sure we trully understand them by repeating them to each other so there is no confusion. But we’ve also made a committment to accurately and realistically label our expectations and deal breakers by examining them to see if we would truly walk away and never come back or if our EGO is trying to set us up for failure.
We’ve also made it a point to not text out converstations. Instead we leave texting for little things, like letting each other know we’re running late, need to pick something up from the store, etc. If we want to find out how each other’s day is going or if we want to see if something is bothering the other person, then we make it a point to call or see each other in person to discuss.
We’re also working on not going to bed angry or allowing ourselves to go for more than a few hours angry at each other, without finding a way to clear things up. Instead we’re trying to give ourselves time to proces our emotions/hurt feelings on our own before addressing them with each other. It’s a process, but we’re working on it.
We instead try to live in the moment, enjoying our time together, thinking about what will bring happiness and peace into our lives, instead of worrying about how long it will last, when the next misunderstanding may come, etc. We hope that if we can both do that consistently and squash the bumps in the road sooner than later…it could be something that lasts. 🙂
What are some of your relationship tips? How do you keep the communication flowing?
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