So if you’ve been following along, you know that recently I found out that the person I thought I was going to marry and have kids with, wasn’t meant to be. The discovery has shaken me to the core and has had me going through all the emotions you could possibly think someone in my position would go through, which is why I’ve gone on an internal search for dealing with breakups.
Unfortunately, this breakup was more messy than any other breakup I’ve had before and I feel deeply wronged and hurt, which at times, leaves me wanting to lash out. While I know that doing it would bring a small level of comfort, I know that it would be fleeting and I would eventually feel horrible for letting myself go there. I’m a firm believer in karma and although right now I feel like the karmic balance is off, I know that one day karma will play itself out and I have to be ok with that, instead of trying to control if and when it happens.
I also realize that by continuously replaying what happened in my head or thinking up scenarios in which I could help karma along, I’m only pushing myself back into living in the past, which is such an unhealthy place to be. To that end, when my mind wonders to the past, I try to bring myself back to living in the moment by following the advice from a karma cleanse I found online.
Live in Gratitude – Although breakups are heart breaking, they all are meant to teach us something. If you can take time out of your grief to figure out what it is and be grateful for the lesson, the faster the healing will take place. For me, I’m grateful to have exposed all the nastiness now vs after marriage, kids, etc. For that and for the fact that I now know I have been released from that bad relationship to find a good one, I will forever be grateful.
Check Your Motives – When we feel wronged or hurt, our fight or flight instincts kick in. I generally take flight first, but as time passes and I wallow in the past, I notice that my fight instincts kick in. It’s very easy, in the haze of so much emotion, to justify the fight instinct and feel you’re in the right with what you’re plotting. However, you really need to check the reasons behind your motives and be honest with yourself as you investigate. Because if even a morsel of why you want to go through with whatever you’re plotting is to hurt the person who wronged you, their things, and/or those around them, you are only invoking bad karma to come your way and who needs that.
Watch Your Attitude – Yes breakups are hard to go through and the loneliness, hurt and pain can sometimes seem unbearable, but make sure you honor yourself and don’t allow depression or low self-esteem to take over. Sadness and self doubt are normal, but they should not have a permanent place in your life. Instead allow yourself to go back to being grateful for the simple things (the gift of health, loving family and friends, the beauty that surrounds us, etc.) and to experience fun, happy, joyous moments with those who are there, offering support, during your time of need. If you can’t seem to snap out of it, make sure you reach out to your family and friends. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to do so because we’ve all been there and are happy to lend a helping hand.
Act with Love – Breakups definitely bring about the gamut of emotions because we’re going through the grieving process. As you go through it though, remember not to lash out at those who are only trying to help and more importantly, don’t lash out at yourself. Give them and yourself a break and honor both with love. Instead of being mad at yourself for allowing this to happen to you or wanting to beat yourself up with negativity, fill yourself and those around you with positivity and love. When you allow positivity and love in, it only brings more of the same, which is exactly what we all need to get over such a trying time.
Forgive – I know forgiveness can seem like a lot to ask for when you feel wronged or hurt by someone you cared deeply for, but it’s the only way to let go of the past and move forward. If you really think about it, forgiveness is not only something you are giving the other person, but it’s the best gift for yourself, your well being and a happy tomorrow. Once you’re able to forgive, that means that you are ready and able to move past the story of it all, which is where your life begins again.
I know it’s a lot to digest, especially if you’re not ready to to look for positivity in your situation, but it is the thing that will ultimately lead you back to feeling good about life. So the next time you feel wronged or hurt by someone important in your life, remember to reflect on the things discussed here because moving forward is way more important than doing something rash that may cause bad karma to fall upon you. Just a little something to think about. 😉
How have you dealt with your breakups?
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Def hang with the girlfriends, have fun, laugh, and trash talk. Sadly, for a lot of people hard break ups can cause people to put walls up and not be so trustworthy of others… That is an issue I have had to deal with.
Thanks Aimee, great advice & all in the plans. I’ve also told myself that true love is worth it, so I’m working hard to keep those walls from creeping up 😉