Today I’m sharing why I still believe in love, even after the worst break up ever!
If you follow along you know that I was super excited about the fact that my boyfriend and I had been best friends for over 10 years before we took it to the next level. I felt like we basically grew up together, had seen the good, the bad and the ugly about each other, been there for each other, and had no where to go but up. Jackpot, right? Yeah, no. Unfortunately the fairy tale came to its bitter end recently and I found myself realizing that not only was I losing my boyfriend and best friend, but I was also seeing my dreams of being a wife and mother getting pushed to the back burner again. It was crazy, but the one thing I’m grateful for is that his actions totally closed my heart off to him forever, because he was not the person I thought he was. As a result, I haven’t had the normal remorse or need to play the “what if” game we usually play with ourselves after break ups.
So I should be golden right? No need to grieve a love that I never want back?
Getting Past the Fear of Being Alone
How I wish it was that easy. Now, what I’m finding myself dealing with is the fear of being alone and single again. Not because I’m not already a happy, successful, confident woman, but because everyone wants to be loved and to give love. See, I had already played the dream out in my head. Wife and motherhood were almost mine, now who knows.
The reality is that now my head is trying to wrap itself around the fact that I presently find myself as a single woman in her 30’s, who dreams of having kids, but with each passing day, has to realize that may not happen.
At least that’s what my ego and fear want me to believe, but that’s not the best way to live life. Thankfully, with the work I’ve done on myself in the past couple of years, I can now realize that giving into that fear will not help bring me any closer to my dream of finding true, long lasting love.
Don’t get me wrong, although I know this, that doesn’t mean that I spend my days smiling ear to ear. I have my moments, like as I sit here writing this, where I allow the fear to take over and break me. But once I allow myself to think through my emotions, I realize that it’s just my ego feeding into fear and I make the choice to bring myself back to living in the moment, filled with gratitude.
I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. This break up, the way it went down, was done to help me break free from the haze and comfort of a person who I was never meant to end up with. It was as ugly as it was so that I could officially move on, without further pause, toward the path of finding my true love. This relationship also helped me further define what it is that I’m willing to put up with and what I’m not, while helping me to see the difference between what my ego wants and what is needed for love to flourish.
I’ve also learned the true reason why being in a relationship takes work. It’s not because love is hard, but because there are always two egos involved, constantly rearing their ugly head, trying to sabotage and keep each other in selfish mode vs. love mode.
Love Always Wins
So although my previous partner chose to live in ego vs. live in love with me, the one thing I know for sure is that love is out there. I’ve felt it and feel it everyday about the people, the sights and the sounds that surround me…and that is why I still believe in love.
Breakups, we’ve all been there. Why do you still believe in love?
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