The other day my single girlfriend and I were discussing her latest failed attempt at a relationship with someone she thought was a shoe in…meaning she had known him for several years and had recently felt they were getting closer. Needless to say when she decided to “go for it” he didn’t share the same feelings…ouch.
So as I sat with her and we discussed “what went wrong,” like we usually do when we find ourselves in this situation, she mentioned an article a friend of her’s had just suggested she read. It was titled “Why You’re Not Married,” by Tracy McMillan, which was featured on the Huffington Post.
Tracy does not mince words. She is very clear in stating that the reason we’re not married is not because of the “lie” all single women tell themselves – “There are just no good men left in the world!”
It’s because of …YOU…US…ME!
I think subconsciously I knew this but was not willing to begin to compromise to get to be with the love of my life – silly I know, but this article lead me to this lightbulb moment. How? By reading the top six reasons Tracy gives as to why I’m still not married. Below are the ones that really resonated with me.
1. You’re Angry – which according to Tracy terrifies men. I didn’t think I was angry, but it was her last line that let me see the light.
- “I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man’s fear and insecurity in order to get married — but actually, it’s perfect, since working around a man’s fear and insecurity is big part of what you’ll be doing as a wife.
- Eureka! When I thought about it, this is what “angers” me the most when I’m dating someone – having to deal with their fears and insecurities. As may be obvious, in the past, this was my breaking point and this is when I’ve decided to break off the relationship in search of someone who was fearless and secure with themselves and our relationship – which to date has left me single.
2. You’re Shallow – Basically she says all we need is a “man of character – who by definition is willing to commit,” not the tall, rich, sensitive, add whatever other adjective you’d like here – man.
- This I equate to never picking the “nice” guy who they say always finishes last.
- From my own account, I have to agree. I have known several good, nice men that I love as friends, but can’t get out of the friend zone because I’m waiting for my tall, knight in shining armor – DUH! I know, but I’m willing to start looking past my shallowness now. 🙂 I think this awareness comes with age – which is why it took me a while, but at least I’m here now.
3. You’re Selfish – “It’s not all about me anymore!”
- This will take constant monitoring on my part, but I think I’m willing to compromise and not make everything about me 24/7 😉
4. You’re Not Good Enough – “…need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period”
- I, like everyone else have these moments, especially when I’m meeting handsome/accomplished men and/or even gorgeous/accomplished women
- Awareness is half the battle, now to deal with it 🙂
For me knowledge is always power and I definitely feel more powerful and self aware now that I’ve read the article and gone through my relationship introspective. I am now going to smile my way back into the dating world and try my hardest not to be angry, shallow, selfish or think I’m not good enough! 🙂
What relationship introspectives have you had recently? Do you have any dating tips to share?
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Agree wholly with number 2. The older I get, the more I get it and accept that all I truly want at the end of the day is a man with character. That becomes VERY sexy 🙂
Glad you got it..but you’re very wise for your age 🙂 I wasn’t – obvi ;), but getting it now 🙂