Since I started this blog I’ve been struggling with being able to say I have a weight loss success story. But at the beginning of the year I made it a goal to lose 10 lbs and keep them off. I thought losing the weight wouldn’t be a problem because I’ve had success in the past. I thought keeping the weight off would be the real test. Life however, has a funny way of letting you know what’s what.
This has not been an easy year for me. Many things in my life have felt harder than they’ve felt in a long time. I started the year off with several costly home repairs, recently went through a difficult break up and have had so many other things just not go my way.
Thankfully, it appears the break up was the final straw that broke this camel’s back and pushed me to truly look deep inside to see what was going on. Enter all the meditation and awareness I have been building upon for the past two years. With the help of Oprah & Deepak’s 21-day Meditation Experience and Hay House’s Louise Hay (more to come later on this amazing woman), I figured out that all my struggles came from fear and a feeling of unworthiness that I had managed to mask for so many years.
Those who know me may find it hard to believe that fear and feeling unworthy are part of my DNA because I tend to come off as a strong, confident, independent woman, but it’s true. Those tend to be my go to feelings when I feel the most vulnerable, which usually has me running toward food to feel better, instead of sitting and dealing with the vulnerability. It is during those times that I unconsciously decided to cover my vulnerability with extra weight, so that I would not be noticed or valued. However, once I allowed myself to sit in stillness, I could clearly see the ways I was trying to sabotage myself, my life and my happiness.
I now realize that I’ve spent my life tip toeing around the issue. I knew it was something inside of me that was causing all the negativity, but never thought it involved fear and feelings of unworthiness because I believed my own hype of being a strong, confident, independent woman. However, when I was left emotionally homeless after my break up and I allowed clarity and stillness in, I knew that was at the root of my issues.
The great thing about life is that I now have a choice to either continue on the same path or leave those feeling in the past and lovingly allow myself to accept the very best life has to offer.
It’s definitely a challenging proposition because I have to release my need to be unworthy and embrace the fact that I am worthy of all the good life has to offer, sometimes on a minute to minute basis. But through that practice, with what I’ve learned about intuitive eating/mindful eating, I’ve been able to drop 10 lbs.
One of the main reasons I initially started this blog was because I knew that losing weight and keeping it off went beyond will power and diets. I knew that it involved deeper issues, which is why on top of trying to be self-aware about what’s really going on emotionally and being mindful when I eat, I’ve made a conscious effort to also be mindful of what I’m putting in my body by making a shift toward clean eating. I’m definitely not at 100% yet, but I’d say about 55% of my food intake comes from non-processed foods.
These things combined, along with continuous meditation, awareness and mindfulness in all aspects of my life, have led me toward my current weight loss success. It’s not a fix all because I know as soon as I stop being aware and mindful of what I’m putting into my body and/or allowing into my life, the weight, the fear and the feeling of unworthiness will return, but the good thing is that they don’t have to live within me permanently. We all have the choice to release those things, leave them in the past and live in the now – working toward getting the very best life has to offer.
If you currently find yourself going through some struggle, I invite you to try meditation and stillness and see where it takes you.
Here’s to continued success in every aspect of your life! And if you’d like to learn more about my weight loss journey, mindful eating and self awareness, stick around, read my previous posts under Health and Wellness and Finding Happy. I promise to continue to share more about my journey as it unfolds. 😉
What has self awareness, mindful eating taught you along the way?