If you follow along, you know that I spend a lot of time looking inward, trying to improve myself on the inside so that my world on the outside matches everything I want out of life. One of the biggest things I have yet to master is that of finding the man I want to share my life with and possibly start a family with. Thoughts of a single lady is a glimpse into the emotional roller coaster that comes as I near the end of my child bearing years.
By my own account and those around me, my life is pretty close to fabulous. I’m happy, healthy, I have a great job, my own home and am surrounded by supportive family and friends. What I am missing however, is someone to share my life with and have beautiful babies with. Don’t get me wrong, I date, but so far there’s been no life partner to share that special joy with. It’s this possible loss that gets more palpable as the years pass me by and guide me closer to the end of my child bearing years. I know being a single mother is not a foreign concept and can be a possibility for me, but I’ve thought about that option long and hard and have decided that for ME, I really want to be married to someone I love and want to grow old with, before I bring a child into this world. A personal decision, which I continuously have to defend to myself and others around me because although I would love to have a child, I don’t want to do it without having the love of my life by my side to share it with.
So as I go through these roll a coaster of emotions, I continue to turn inward and to some of my older single friends to hear words of encouragement on how they’ve been able to keep it together. There’s something about knowing you’re not alone that makes every part of life that much easier to walk through. This is also why I wanted to share my own journey with you today.
For now, I am joyous in being a Mommie to these two amazing furbabies,
an Aunt to five fabulous nephews, two amazing nieces and Godmother to 6, while trying to tame the yearning for the family and children I dreamt of having one day. Trust me, I am optimistic about this still being a reality for me, but the realist in me has to prepare myself in case I don’t meet the man of my dreams until after my child bearing years.
Yes, there is always adoption and a myriad of other choices, but there is nothing I’ve wanted more that to see a mini me running around in the world.
Here’s to being able to allow enough love of self to see that one day and to being ok if that’s not in the cards for me because I still believe that everything happens for a reason.
Do you or have you had similar struggles during your singledom? What did you do or are you doing to over come them?
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