If you follow along, you know that I spend a lot of time looking inward, trying to improve myself on the inside so that my world on the outside matches everything I want out of life. One of the biggest things I have yet to master is that of finding the man I want to share my life with and possibly start a family with. Thoughts of a single lady is a glimpse into the emotional roller coaster that comes as I near the end of my child bearing years.
By my own account and those around me, my life is pretty close to fabulous. I’m happy, healthy, I have a great job, my own home and am surrounded by supportive family and friends. What I am missing however, is someone to share my life with and have beautiful babies with. Don’t get me wrong, I date, but so far there’s been no life partner to share that special joy with. It’s this possible loss that gets more palpable as the years pass me by and guide me closer to the end of my child bearing years. I know being a single mother is not a foreign concept and can be a possibility for me, but I’ve thought about that option long and hard and have decided that for ME, I really want to be married to someone I love and want to grow old with, before I bring a child into this world. A personal decision, which I continuously have to defend to myself and others around me because although I would love to have a child, I don’t want to do it without having the love of my life by my side to share it with.
So as I go through these roll a coaster of emotions, I continue to turn inward and to some of my older single friends to hear words of encouragement on how they’ve been able to keep it together. There’s something about knowing you’re not alone that makes every part of life that much easier to walk through. This is also why I wanted to share my own journey with you today.
For now, I am joyous in being a Mommie to these two amazing furbabies,
an Aunt to five fabulous nephews, two amazing nieces and Godmother to 6, while trying to tame the yearning for the family and children I dreamt of having one day. Trust me, I am optimistic about this still being a reality for me, but the realist in me has to prepare myself in case I don’t meet the man of my dreams until after my child bearing years.
Yes, there is always adoption and a myriad of other choices, but there is nothing I’ve wanted more that to see a mini me running around in the world.
Here’s to being able to allow enough love of self to see that one day and to being ok if that’s not in the cards for me because I still believe that everything happens for a reason.
Do you or have you had similar struggles during your singledom? What did you do or are you doing to over come them?
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Keep in mind that being single (unmarried) isn’t the cause of your pain. Getting married won’t change that.
Yes, you’re right marriage isn’t the answer to all my “symptoms” and may not be where I end up. Sharing my life with someone however, will bring different joys and challenges that I’m willing and ready to take on.
I realize this is an older post, but I was reading some of your more recent ones, and I’m relating to you so much (why wasn’t I more caught up before?). This time of year is like someone poking and waking the giant beast of “Why can’t I have the white picket fence?” that lies dormant most of the year. I’m just a few years older than you, so I know the thoughts that creep up about feeling like you’re losing your grasp on the motherhood dream. I wrote a post a few years back about it. I don’t usually like leaving links and saying “read me, read me!” but it may be helpful. Big hugs to you!
Yay Libby, thanks for stopping by and sharing. That’s what it’s all about. I’m heading over to your post now.
Why don’t you just join eHarmony. Everyone meets their mates online these days.
Awe Robin, thanks, I wish it were that easy. I date, unfortunately the men I’ve met have a problem with commitment. I think it’s all FOMO related (fear of missing out), but have yet to conduct a proper study to know for sure 😀
You will find him eventually. There’s no need to be pressured into bearing a child or finding a partner really quick. Everything falls into place, maybe he’s just getting ready for you.
Thanks Elizabeth, everything I know to be true, just sometimes have to vent my frustration sex in the city style – I’ve been dating since I was fifteen! I’m exhausted! Where is he?
I remember when my friends were getting married. It was so hard to wait for a husband.
Thankfully I’ve moved from sitting on my couch and waiting for the one to come knock on my door, but we still have yet to cross paths. But I’m optimistically hopeful. Thanks Tara.
Girl!!! I know that exact feeling!!! I met Sergio on match.com, but it took me going on over 60 (!!!) first dates before I found him. FOMO is exactly right. I know that you’re introspective and have thought about having gratitude for all the great things in your life. I was exactly like you– I had a fabulous life pre-Serge– but still had those pangs of wanting to share my fabulous life with someone. He’s definitely around the bend for you. I know it! And now that I know you’re single and searching, I’ll keep my eyes peeled and DM you on Insta when I find him. 😉
Yes, you get me Rita!!! And thanks for sharing your story, I knew there was still hope, but you’ve brought it closer to home and thanks for offering to keep an eye out for me. I need all the eyes I can get 😀
I feel your struggle. I’m currently trying to find someone through online dating because finding someone in person isn’t going anywhere. So far online dating is crap because I mainly only get contacted by men twice my age who I’m not interested in. But hanging in there
Preach it sista. Hang in there Michelle, I know it will happen in it’s own time, but venting every now and again feels pretty darn good 😉
Everything does happen for a reason. Love and let go, look for love you won’t.. It just happens.
Agreed Dana, everything happens in its own time. Thanks
I remember when i was young all my friends are getting married it makes me sad because i’m the only one single on our groups. and i met my hubby with online dating
That’s awesome Victoria! Here’s hoping 😉
I am not one to give relationship advice so I will not start now. All I will say it – we get more of what we focus on. So, keeping the eye on “I don’t have,” or “I want” will only bring more of itself. My experience have always been, when I truly do the inner work, clear all that is blocking my desire and then stop the hunting, longing and searching – like magic (it isn’t at all) my best comes to me. That’s my experience. Namaste
Trust Claudette, I hear you loud and clear – that’s part of what I keep trying to master in this particular part of my life. I’m great in almost every other area of my life, but this one. Still lots of internal work to do for sure.
You will find what you want …Just have to keep believing.!
Agreed Patrice and making sure that what I believe is on the same level of what I want to reach. Working on it 😀
I’m single, but I did have two kids when I was married so I don’t feel a loss in that way. Also, I’m totally fine with being single now!
I’ve totally found that to be the case for many of my friends as well Liz and I know being married and having kids isn’t the end all be all, but it is an experience I want to have in my life. Cheers to us enjoying our singledom 😀
I didn’t get married till my late 30s so I was single for a long time. I was so emotionally not ready to be married even though I thought thats what I wanted. I finally asked myself “do you want to be sad/angry/alone the rest of your life? ” I finally decided that I was ready for someone and knew that I had to start making real efforts. Because I too thought he was just going to knock on my door. I never wanted to try online dating but thats where I met my husband (eHarmony). So even though a few people told me it would happen it didn’t start happening for me until I truly believed it. I feel thats where you are right now that’s why I know its going to happen for you! As far as children, I completely understand that fear. For a while I thought I wasn’t going to have my own children. But you are a great spiritual mom to your nieces and nephews and you still have many years ahead of you. You never know what can happen. It can present itself a different way.
I really enjoyed reading this post. And its so important cause like you said, when you see that others are going through a similar situation, it makes it a little easier.
Thanks Liz and I know it starts with me and my beliefs – kinda poignant I’m doing Oprah & Deepak’s Become What You Believe series at this time too – and I’m constantly trying to shift them, just sometimes I get lost along the way and have to get back to refocusing them. There are just times when you just want to say – Where is he? – at the top of your lungs and share, but I know I’ll push through and whatever happens, happens – in it’s own time 😀
Everything happens for a reason. If will meant to be, it will be. Don’t look for love. Enjoy every moment in your life. Thank you for sharing.
Yes! That’s totally my motto Lexie, just every now and again you get the feels and want to share so that others who sometimes can’t shake the feels off as easy, hopefully will. 😀
You sure have a precious little boy 🙂 I have heard it said many times that it is better to be single and lonely than married and lonely. This is so true!
Agreed Rachel. I know so many women who are in those situations. Trust, that is not the situation I want for myself, which is why I’ve made the choice to stay single up til now, but just gets a little frustrating at times, so just had to vent a little. 😀
Very brave of you to confront these feelings you have. I am also quite sure you are not alone in feeling this way! take it slow, you’ll miss the quite times of freedom later in life when you can’t pick up and just go do something just for the sake of doing it! Timing is everything and you can’t really change or speed that up!
Thanks Heidi and whole heartedly agree – everything in its time. It’s just dating now a days can make a woman scream and so I did, but totally back on the positive track of it will happen when it’s meant to happen 😀
Everything happens for a reason. One day you will find Mr. Right. Get yourself out there. There are so many options now.
Thanks Cynthia, I am totally about not waiting for the magic to happen but helping it along and am getting myself out there, it’s just an interesting time to date. Hope to share more on that later 😉
My Beautiful friend! I admire you for so many reason, you are very sassy and a beautiful person! As someone who has been married almost 10 years and with my Husband for almost 17 years, I probably seem like the less qualified person to give a single person advice. I have not been single since the age of 18, now almost 35. While marriage is an amazing part of my life, it’s also a lot of work, which yes you CAN totally do. But, I always think, what would it be like had I not met my Husband. And, I am totally with you, having that special someone with you through the good and bad, no matter what our own personal flaws and pains are is amazing. I do wish that others find their “imperfect” match, my Husband and I are night and day. I hope you find someone who can compliment your amazingness! And, when it comes to children, once you have them nothing else compares…and regardless of if the marriage works or not, they are the most beautiful people to have ever happened to me. I also always think, if for some reason my husband and I ever fall apart, I will have them. So, while I am not single I DO hope that you find your special person, YOU DESERVE THE ABSOLUTE BEST. Hope that made some sense!!!!!
Totally made sense Connie. Thanks for the encouragement and for always being so supportive. I know everything you said to be true and I really am patiently waiting for that special someone. Here’s to more wonderful memories for your and your family.
Oh man, I hated being single. I hear lots of good things about some dating sites.
The dating sites are good, it’s just the state where dating is now that is a bit disappointing, but I’ll pull through 😉 Thanks Bonnie.
I’m watching my best friend go into another relationship after leaving her daughters father. I have been lucky to have been with my boyfriend for over 10 years and I just hope she can find her happiness.
It’s hard getting back on the dating scene Ashleigh, here’s hoping only the best for you and your friend cuz it’s hard out here lol.
I met my husband when I was twenty years old. I don’t even know what it is like to be an adult and to be single. Lol! I am sure that you will get your time, just be patient and he will come to you.
Thanks Kristi! Dating has definitely changed, but I’m still navigating my way through, smiling and waiting. Sometimes more patiently than others, but always knowing it will happen 😀
I have no experience in single life as I have been married so long – I cant remember – however, you are a beautiful person – don’t settle for anything better than the best for you. Only youu cam=n make you happy
Agreed Eileen! Thanks so much and I know happiness is a choice which I make everyday, which is why I know settling is not the answer. 😀 Hope you have a great week!
Omg you will find mr. right gurlie!!! He’s waiting for you!
Thanks CourtneyLynne! And I’m doing my best to get to him 😉
Oh sweet girl! I’m sure it’s so frustrating being in a waiting period. I’m not going to be all cliche and say that “you’ll find him” or “he’s out there” because none of us knows what the future holds but I will say that I’m praying that you find your perfect story – whatever it’s supposed to be!
Awe, thanks Susannah, that’s all I can ask for. Thanks so much for stopping by and reading my story. Have a fab week!
You reminded me my single life days…. Frankly I miss my single life days. Once you get busy with family, you will not get enough time for yourself ???
I hear that Urvi, thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts. Have a great week!