Ugh, Working Through Dating Insecurities

Yes, that’s right, I’m back on the dating scene again after being absent for a long, long time. Thanks to the work I put in dealing with my feelings of fear and unworthiness though, finding someone to date has not been as difficult as I made it out to be in the past.  What has been difficult however, has been working through dating insecurities.

As I’ve shared before, this whole living in the moment and loving yourself through it is a 24/7 job.  When you throw in the fact that dating is generally about evaluating your partner’s every move, statement, purchase, etc. to see whether you’re a good match – it’s easy to see how you can lose your true self in the shuffle.  Ugh, it’s so frustrating to think you will forever be connected with your true self and then see it fall through the cracks when you’re trying to decide on starting a new relationship.

However, the lesson I’ve learned so far in going through the process is to simply return to your true self.  Return toward knowing that what others think about you is inconsequential to loving ourselves just as we are.

While yes, we need to find out who the man we’re dating is and what he’s all about, we don’t need to try to fit into the mold we think he likes because he already showed interest by asking us out.  So worrying about whether we’re pretty enough, skinny enough, fashionable enough, etc. to be with him should not enter our minds.  So STOP worrying about that! (note to self & all the women of the world!)

CHECK OUT:  The Key to Happiness

When it comes to the merging of personalities and conversation, again, be yourself, not who you think he needs you to be.  If the conversation just doesn’t flow naturally or you feel like the personalities are clashing, then don’t see that as a negative – What am I doing wrong – instead see it as the positive it is – He’s not the one and that’s ok!

Fear is what brings about dating insecurities because from date one we’re already worried about – What if this doesn’t work, am I ever going to meet anyone?  What we have to realize though is that the dating game isn’t a place for rejection, but rather a place that allows for the process of elimination.  So we’re going to have to go through a few dates to find that out.

And when will the right one come along?  When we’ve settled our mind and believe with every core of our being that all the love and happiness we’ll ever need is already inside of us.  I tell you, it’s a 24/7 job, but it’s the most rewarding job we’ll ever have. 😀  Happy Dating!

How do you work through your dating insecurities?



Rocio Chavez
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  1. I was that girl, long ago, who molded herself to be what the guy liked/wanted. I even played D&D to impress a guy and THAT is just plain crazy. Thankfully, like you, I realize that to find the right guy for me I had to just…be me. And I found the man of my dreams who loves me and accepts me for who I am.

    Loved your post, Rosie. 🙂

  2. I have not dated for many years, was married for 34 years and I am now widowed but I still remember those days far ago when I was insecure and afraid. It is important to raise our girls to be self aware and empowered so they can approach dating from a secure position.

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