Working on Making an Ex a Friend Again
About two weeks ago, an Ex texted me after not speaking for a year and a half and asked if he could call me to talk about a situation he was going through. The situation was that his father was just diagnosed with alzheimers. Of course he got me by adding that little tid bit of information and I agreed. We spoke for 30 minutes, not about our failed relationship, but about his feelings of helplessness in dealing with his Dad and encouraging words from my end to help him through.
I kept it short and only about his current situation, which left me feeling proud of myself for not falling into the normal trap we tend to fall into because see…he’s “THE EX”, you know the one that becomes your kryptonite and leaves you weak and helpless no matter the situation? Well, that’s who he is to me and that’s mainly because we met when we were 20, practically grew up together, were best friends for years, and then decided to become more. It’s when we decided to take our relationship to the next level that things just feel apart and we forgot how to be friends to one another. We’ve been trying to get our friendship back on track for a few years now, but it just hasn’t worked, which is why we stopped talking to each other.
Needless to say, my act of kindness opened the door and he asked me if I wanted to go to an event with him this past weekend. I contemplated long and hard about whether I wanted to open the door and let this “kryptonite” back into my life. I asked co-workers and another male friend for their thoughts on the situation and it was a split decision, but I already knew what my answer would be…yes of course…weak I tell you 🙂
We went to the event and kept the conversation light, until he hinted at wanting to hang out again. It stopped me in my tracks, but I told him that if we were to hang out again as FRIENDS, then we would have to really talk through our past issues. He agreed and we left it at that, until the event ended of course….weak I tell you! I was hoping I could wait to have our discussion at another time, but my shields against this “kryptonite” were just not going to let the moment go and we stayed up until 4am rehashing some of our past issues and seeing how we could do better to see them and acknowledge them before they became areas of resentment, etc. We also agreed to take our friendship slow to see if we could really do it, and then see if we could one day be best friends like we used to be.
I guess only time will tell, but I think it helps that we now realize that although we will always love each other for what we’ve meant in each others lives, that doesn’t mean that we’re meant to be in love with each other as well. I think it took age and time to realize that, but I think it may be what saves us from losing track of each other again…we’ll see 😉
So do you have a “kryptonite” in your life? Have you been tempted into making an Ex a friend again?