Oprah and Dr. Brené Brown were the first to help me understand that you don’t have to be perfect to receive the best life has to offer. Regardless of what your mother, mother-in-law or anyone else in your life thinks – including yourself.
With the holidays literally around the corner, as a recovering perfectionist, I know how loudly that voice inside can scream saying that we can’t have people over without having everything perfect, and we definitely can’t go to any gatherings without having the perfect hostess gift, outfit, you name it. The reality is that’s not a positive move toward self improvement. It’s just our ego rearing it’s ugly head trying to convince us that we’re not worthy of doing or receiving x, y, z (compliments, love, understanding, compassion, etc.) until we look like a super model, have on the perfect outfit, our house is squeaky clean, etc., which is why I wanted to share Alanis Morrissette’s song Perfect, which highlights this very point.
I’ve always been drawn to this song because everything shared seemed familiar, yet I knew that just wasn’t the best way to live life. And if you’ve followed any of the Become What You Believe meditation series, which I recapped recently, we’ve begun the process of understanding that we are perfect, whole and complete exactly as we are, at this very moment. And as such we need to grateful for what we have to offer, rather than focusing on those things our ego says we should be able to offer.
Dr. Brené Brown says that such perfectionism is a protection mechanism we use to keep from being hurt, but in reality it just keeps us from being seen. It comes from an ultimate fear of being seen as we are, and not measuring up. As a result, we use it as our shield, to avoid or minimize shame, blame, judgement.
I know that’s the case for me. A lot of people who know me admire my confidence and ability to stand my ground, however that’s a huge juxtaposition for my fear of being judged and not measuring up. That’s why I’ll always point out my weaknesses before anyone else can or just hang back and not say anything, which keeps me from being seen and being vulnerable enough to truly experience the beauty, love, and happiness the world has to offer.
The great thing I’m learning about imperfection though, is that it’s the only true universal language because no matter how hard you try not to be judged, you can’t control the actions of others. We can however, control how we choose to live our life. And in allowing ourselves to be seen and heard as we are today, not as our ego wishes we were, we connect with the power of the universe and with humanity, through our vulnerability. We all have unique gifts to share with the world, and instead of judging them in ourselves and others, we should embrace them with gratitude, in the moment. Because for as much as we think we can control our future by being perfect every second of every day, one never truly knows what tomorrow will bring. All we can do is enjoy, because who we are at this very moment, is exactly who and what we are meant to be. Once we accept that with gratitude, and allow awareness in, we’ll be able to tap into the unlimited power and light within.
What negative/perfectionistic thinking will you let go of today? What are you grateful for today?
- Valentine’s Day Gift Guide for Her - February 10, 2020
- Rice Stuffing Plus Holiday Wine Pairings with Kuhlman Cellars - November 21, 2019
- 5 New Orleans Must Do’s - November 19, 2019
I so agree that perfection is not necessary during the holidays. I dont need that stress.
Right, who needs it Tara.
Hahahahahhahahahahahhaha…I never worry about things like that. If you come to my house and you do not like what you see then you are free to not come back. That takes all the pressure away.
Yes, that’s definitely one way to take away the pressure Mardene 😀
This is the only way to live! I love living an honest life doing what makes me happy, it’s the only way to be. Having a spouse that never judges what I watch, wear, or read is the only spouse to have. I see many judging others as they walk in a room or others walking into their home, but also feel they are being judged about not being perfect. I walk in a room for reasons that I walked in it for. I’m grateful if I meet someone new or see a friendly face.
Yes, yes. yes Lisa. It is the only way to live and so happy you’ve found that for yourself in all facets of your life 😀 Thank you for always dropping in and sharing! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!
Whats interesting is that these negative thoughts come to us without us even trying. Scary how it just happens “naturally”. One thing I need to stop doing is looking at my future goals/wishes then thinking “i’ll never be able to do that”. Working on being positive and expect that my goals can be met is what I need to work on for myself.
Great post. Have a great thanksgiving!
I know Liz, that’s because we’ve made it a habit to go negative first. We just have to consciously make the shift and make it a daily practice so that positive, life affirming thoughts come to us naturally instead. 😀 Happy Thanksgiving!
I am so far from perfect. But I am happy just the way I am
That’s the way it should be Natasha 😀
So true! I think thats a big fear of mine, being judged yet I display my life in my blog for everyone to see. Funny how that works right!
Lol, Ashley that’s because in blogging and social media we still get to choose what others see or hear about us. Plus we have the ability to edit, do re-takes, etc. 😉 That’s probably why I haven’t gotten on the Periscope bandwagon yet 😉 Baby steps 😀
I wan’t to learn how to do meditation to remind myself that perfection is not necessarily healthy and that I must accept my flaws.
You really should look into it Ana because once you find your center you realize those aren’t flaws, it’s just where you are now and that’s ok. Here’s to happiness ahead for all of us 😀
I would say that being fat has been one of the greatest struggles of my life. I actually love that the older I get, the less it matters to me and to others. I am so thankful for that!
Good for you for getting to your goal weight. That is FANTASTIC! : )
Thank you and thanks for stopping by my blog!
Lol, isn’t that the truth! That’s why I no longer torture myself with diets, but instead trying to tune into my true self 😉 So much more rewarding 😀
Thank you for this wonderful post. It is very inspiring and a good reminder not to dull ourselves down!
Yes, thanks Kristi. I love that, not dull ourselves down – so true 😀
I love everything about this! This is the very reason I named my blog Chasing My Halo! You realize after awhile that the quest to be perfect takes the joy out of life, and while is ok to try to better ourselves, we must give ourselves a HUGE measure of grace and realize we were already made perfect. Pinning this post!
Yay & yes, I couldn’t agree more Angie & I love your blog name and concept. 😀
This is an important thing to remind yourself of this holiday season. No one has to be perfect, and that is truer during the holiday season more than ever.
Yeah Robin, sometimes we try so hard to be perfect, we forget to enjoy the moment.
Such a powerful message. We can’t live for other people, we can only live for ourselves. So before it’s too late we should focus on ourselves and accept that we can’t make other people but we can make ourselves happy and that’s enough.
Well said Elizabeth, thanks 😀
I will have to keep telling myself this all day on Thursday when my MIL will be hear letting me know everything I have not done correctly!
Awe sorry doll, just breathe through it and remember, wanting everything perfect is her issue, not yours. 😉 Happy Thanksgiving!
i strive for perfection in relationships which can cause things to feel less natural so i definitely want to work on that
It strikes in so many ways, but awareness is a great first step Michelle. I wish you well on your journey.
I am not a perfect person. I have own little ways and i am happy for what i have
That’s awesome Victoria and exactly how it should be 😉
i am a frazzled happy mess! hang out with me – life is never perfect but I embrace every gosh darn moment 🙂
I love that Eileen, frazzled happy mess 😀 And I would totally love to hang out one day 😉
Yes I agree with you, our goal is to be perfect but we are imperfection.
And it’s a beautiful thing 😉 Thanks for dropping by Lexie 😀
I read one time that perfectionism is one of the worst personality traits to have in a relationship.
It is Rachel, especially in the relationship we have with ourselves. 😀
You don’t have to be perfect to have fun. It’s better to just enjoy yourself and laugh about all the imperferctions.
Agreed, thanks for sharing!
I can see how we do this. It’s not a comfortable feeling to put ourselves out there and exposed. It’s easier when we wall off.
I know it has been for me, but slowly but surely trying to break through that wall in all aspects of my life.
Perfectionism is not my problem. I do my best at whatever is before me.
That is awesome Claudette!
No one has to be perfect, they just have to feel confident with themselves.
Agreed Mya, thanks for stopping by.
I’m learning to let go of the baggage I carry from not liking my looks. My 4 year old tells me I’m a princess all the time and I just try to keep that attitude.
As you should Ashleigh, kids especially only speak the truth, they don’t know anything else. We just have to allow that truth in and believe it of ourselves too. Here’s to us being there all the time. 😀
Ana this is so important to understand because sometimes we can be our worst enemies continually judging ourselves and feeling we are not worth it. Life is not perfect, so we should recognize we are imperfect and that’s ok.
Exactly Mayra, so glad you stopped by. Gracias!
Rocio…..I called you Ana…I always do…don’t know why…..ja ja! Bye Rocio/Ana!
Ha, esta bien, gracias por visitar Mayra 😀
Flaws are the most perfect things we will ever encounter. Everything does not have to be perfect all the time. I embraced the notion years ago and my life has been better because of it.
That is awesome April, I’ve felt the same way since I shifted my perspective 😉